I don’t feel happy anymore. Nothing seemed to excite me anymore. Things were not going as I have hoped for. I have poured a lot effort to make this work but nothing seem to avail. Work oppression has definitely leave an adverse impact on my life. Well actually, in precise, the environment & ambiance made me trudge to work. Everyday my ultimate aim was to clock out at 5.30pm. This is so not me. This is very unhealthy. It is demoralizing on so many levels.
I have serve this company for 5 years. I can still recall the day I came for my interview. Baba accompanied me that day; like always. My father the hero. He is always there when I’m having cold feet and butterflies in my stomach. Then he will give me his speech on life and how challenges mold us to be better. And 5 years have passed since that very day.
But was I ready to move on? Was I ever ready to submit my resume and made that click? I was so complacent and the thought of starting fresh from the bottom was definitely not amusing. Besides, the uncertainty of what the future holds really twist a knot in my core. A good friend once advised me “Allah SWT gives us hints (hidayah) at all times. It is just a matter of us to look through it”. And yeaaaah, I think I noticed several hints but the 1st step of making that change was not easy. It took me a lot courage. It means I would have to change and that is BIG.
After a series of interviews and weeks of patience, I received a positive news. I really did not expected a constructive answer as the road was tough. The first thing that came across my mind was “How am I going to break this news to my colleagues & friends?”. Complacent. Content. These emotions will no longer be a part of me for the next few years. Will I be ready for it? Suddenly it hit me right there; OMG I am going to depart from my comfort zone. MasyaAllah………
2 days away from official report for duty. I haven’t pack a thing. I really wasn’t looking forward for a beginner’s induction program. “Hye, I’m Dora. And I’m bored. And I don’t wanna be here. Can I just start to work like.. now?”. I wish things were as easy as that. But nope; I have to endure beginner’s induction program. Now where is my luggage again?
1 December 2014
Registration day. Hmmm….. I stood there all alone in the very long queue waiting for my turn. As I observed the scene, everyone looked so young, slim, thin, fresh from graduation & positive. Well, you haven’t tasted life kids. I refuse to speak to anyone. I just stood there, hugging myself and fetch my things when my number was up. I walked all by myself as we were asked to proceed to the gathering hall. Again; I wasn’t bothered to speak to anyone.
I saw a girl with a Pakistani features “She looks nice & lonely. Pity her”. So I said hello and we were acquainted throughout the day. By the grace of Allah SWT, I met Seina. Apparently, we came from the same background and we were holding back a lot of feelings. The uncertainty. We instantly became close as I reckon she understands me the most. Alhamdulillah, she is such a sweetie pie. That was my 1st friend here in Petronas.
The induction program was made compulsory for 8 days + 1 day + 3 days so that means 2 freaking weeks for me. The early days felt so long and was drowning was energy. I wasn’t present. My heart was still longing for Proton but I knew that I must move on. Until one day when both the facilitators discussed an emotional topic “Why Are You Here?”. Oh yesssss, it definitely broke me down to tears. I cried during that session. I could hear other kids were whispering out of curiosity but no one dares to approach me as I was still wearing my morbid look. I was still holding back.
It took me awhile to open up and I just continue with the compulsory activities; delivering presentations. Oh presentations….. The 1st presentation was definitely not my cup of tea; the topic was solely on Oil & Gas or Exploration & Production. They sound soooo French to me. So I wasn’t bothered. Luckily the subsequent presentations were leaning more to my skills. Topics on work culture, business trend etc were definitely my forte. That’s when a few girls came up to me. Praising my presentation and asking me questions. That is where it all began. I begin to open up. I begin to talk. I begin to make friends. And hey! They were not bad at all huh….
|Not bad at all...|
30 December 2014
So here I am today. Completed the induction program and seated at my work station. It has been 2 weeks since I’m here and I haven’t started anything yet. Many people are on leave for the holidays. It’s alright then. Let me embrace these peace moments while I can.
MasyaAllah SubhanaAllah…. May Allah SWT ease all my undertakings….