Bersangka Baik

Assalammualaikum...

I'm under the weather since yesterday but feels much sober now. It is just that time of the month where my hormones are all over the places, ranting at even the slightest rigmarole and the worst part is carrying an abundance of emotions for the past one week. So today, I'm much sober (back to normal) and in progress of accommodating the excruciating pain that's integrated with it. As a matter of fact, I was too immersed and drown with my emotions that I even posted this in my IG:-

 Uuurrrgh.. What can I say? My emotions were rampant. I came across of many chagrins that causes me to desolate. Part-time career wise; you are not always at the top. You are not going to stay as the crème of the crop forever. Sometimes people adore you but this field has a dateline. People are always being replaced with the green ones. Fresher look. Edgier style. YOUNGER. There is still room to grow & flourish but the sooner you learn to accept the truth, the sooner you be on one page with fatalism.

I'm not getting younger

 NEVERTHELESS, 2014 is the year for me to embrace this notion "Good thoughts" or simply "Bersangka Baik".. I always tell myself that if I'm turn away from something that I deemed as good for me, maybe, just maybe, it was not good to Him hence He is directing me to something better. There... Good thoughts... Good thoughts...

Parenting wise; last Saturday we went to Giant Sec. 13, Shah Alam for lunch and as usual Piya would implore to play at the indoor playground. So yeah, I asked Ayah to accompany her while I went into some shops. As I arrived at the playground, I scouted for Piya and she was crawling to cross a bridge. I stood there observing her and suddenly something was amiss. A kid who was about her size was playing rather violent with the rest. He reached the bridge from the opposite side but refused to wait for Piya to complete her trail. He stood midway in front of Piya blocking her way. Then he kicked her in the face. Piya screamed but that didn't stop the boy. In a reverse mode, Piya was crying hysterically while the boy continue to kick Piya until she if off the bridge. Normally I let Piya handle her own fights and refuse to interfere. But this was too much. I stood in front of them and yelled "Hoi! Ape nih? Nape main macam tuh?!" Ayah gave me that morbid look and immediately took Piya away. 

She cried exactly like this with tears running down her cheeks

 I was extremely filled with rage and refused to let this go away. I trailed the boy's movement and noticed the mother. He had a little sister who was playing by the slides and she too was roughed by the boy. 

Now I had 4 choices:-

1. Slap the boy

2. Slap the boy and the mother

3. Walk away and continue to rant about it at Uncle Din

4. Confront the mother with great audacity

I wanted to choose option #2 soooo bad but I pick #4. So I went up to the mother and told her what happened. She apologized and even said "I accept everything about my son.. I'm sorry.. Is your daughter Ok?" The apology did help to calm me a bit but deep down inside I really wanted to slap that boy so hard. Later in the car I asked Piya where did the boy kicked her? She showed me her tiny nose and said "Sakit Mama"... 

Again, 2014 is the year of GOOD THOUGHTS:-

1. Maybe the mother was struggling to handle 2 kids at a time

2. Maybe the boy thought Piya's cheeks were soft balls

3. Maybe the boy saw an X mark on Piya's face begging to be kicked

4. Maybe it was my fault for allowing Piya to play at that time of day

5. Maybe that boy is really an arse

I posted this story in FB and I don't have any intention to criticize or judge parents with 2,3 kids but my sole intention was PLEASE KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR KID (S) AT ALL TIMES. It hurts to see your kid being a victim but it is even worse if your kid causes pain to others. That shows bad parenting.

Thank you for reading people. 

Selfish Kids - traits of Gen-ME

Found another great article in Star newspaper pertaining to parenthood "Are you raising selfish kids?". The piece shares an advice on a pivotal concern whereby the Gen Y & Gen Z or more commonly known as Gen Me are being molded to become selfish. I don’t think any parents intend to inculcate such negative value in their children but sometimes parents exude the tenet unconsciously. 

My daughter is only 1 year old but she is starting to exhibit unfavorable manner where she would give me those crocodile tears and tantrums in the event of dissatisfaction. Sometimes she does get on my nerves with her refusal to obey my disapproval or her ‘demand’ to have things her way. Nowadays, she would smack my face and bit me as a result of frustration when I tried to console her. Eeeeeeyyyhhh……. I really detest the thought of instilling “I will get everything I want no matter what” in my daughter. Hence, readings and references are my best savior right now……… 

Ok, back to the article, as usual do get the full length of information from here. I am only interested to share the gist of the article as I find it to be aptly newsworthy. From what I decipher, the root cause of this behavior comes from parents who over indulge their children with materialistic possessions or luxuries entitlement up to a point where children cannot differentiate between “wants” and “needs”. Well, I kinda concur with that. 

The article recommends several guidelines in forming a child who cares for the world beyond oneself:-

1. Be firm with boundaries – do not bend the rules w/o any good reasons

Set some rulings; If one child exceeds the stipulated time of watching his favorite show / playing a game allocated today, thus he will have lesser time tomorrow to instill the importance of sharing and compromising. Another example is a parent can  buy a good pair of shoes but if the child insist on a branded pair, say no and ask him to save up for it. 

This reminds me of another article I obtained from Parenthots titled “Are you raising abrand-conscious child?”

2. Role models

Parents lead by example. Be mindful to express kindness, generosity and importance of speaking the truth especially to our spouse. Synonymously, tell them inspirational stories of our prophet Nabi Muhammad SAW as an epitome of kindness and tolerance.

3. Pay attention to the root cause

Selfishness is deriving from jealousy and ignorance especially among siblings. Sibling’s rivalry is a very common trait as a result of favoritism. By understanding this, we tend to deter selfishness from them.

4. Build confidence

A confident child feels secure and tends to become more open to others.

5. Nurture empathy

Children are capable of understanding feelings. All you have to do is invite them to feel how you feel or how to be empathetic towards others. Stimulate their thoughts by asking, “What would you do if you were her?” or “Would you like it if someone did the same to you?”

6. Encourage sharing

Children will develop new habits when they are encouraged. Encouraging children to share will reduce their fear of scarcity. Assure them that they will have enough, so that they are willing to share their belongings.

7. Teach gratitude

Children who learn to value things in life and not take them for granted will be less selfish. Teach them how to appreciate what they have because not everyone is as blessed. When children learn to be thankful with what they have, they will eventually forgo unnecessary demands.

8. Develop sense of responsibility

Include your children in the daily chores. Do not be afraid to break taboos like keeping financial worries to yourselves. You can explain it to your children in simple terms and ask your children what they can do to help under these circumstances. They could perhaps learn to take ownership of their spending patterns and become more considerate when they are aware of the “adult problems.” They will also think twice before asking for a new tablet PC, phone or branded clothes.

9. Emphasize process despite of outcome

Selfishness buds when your child is reluctant to share knowledge and information with his classmates because of the fear of losing to them. It is all right to be competitive but you may teach him the true value of education. When he learns how to enjoy the process, he will not be hindered by the fear of sharing. Rather, he can learn to embrace the healthy competition.

10. Understanding peers

As children socialize, they tend to learn from their peers, too. It is important to know who their friends are. There is no clear cut way to help them choose their friends but identifying friends who are generally nice and kind will ensure that they stand a better chance of learning not to be selfish. The good qualities of friends can be infectious and make a child less self-centered.

I like these paragraphs:-

This can be a little hard to digest but the painful truth is, parents are sometimes selfish, too. We may think that we want the best for our children but end up being overprotective. Some parents think that their past was very painful and do not want their children to go through the same experience, and hence spoon-feed them as much as possible. As a result, they raise kids who feel entitled to everything and deserve full attention all the time. This is how selfishness develops.

Children are definitely entitled to a healthy dose of self-importance but not self-centredness. Parents can acknowledge a child’s worthiness but at the same time educate the child that the world does not revolve around him. There is so much more to the world and life than “self.”

Do read the piece when you have the time. I find this information to be insightful and crude for parents. I reckon it is wise to be tactful rather than compromising with a stamp of selfishness.  

Brand-conscious child..? Who is to blame?

While I was browsing through one of my favorites virtual newspaper, I stumbled upon a very interesting article; “Are you raising a brand-conscious child?” The article’s name sort of made me ponder; am I doing this to my daughter? Hhhmmmm..

Are you raising a brand-conscious child?

Psychologist from HELP University; Alex Lui expounded that parents lead by example. Parents are the role models to inculcate right values hence if we tend to exhibit high tendency with branded item, don’t expect your child to differ. Apparently if we unconsciously became materialistic by working late hours to make more money, children will think that money is more than everything.

However, if we chose to bond with our children by spending valuable time with them, we have the ability to instill positive self-concept virtues. Children would feel much more confident because they know that they are loved and cared-for. (No wonder when I was in school, I do have friends who are constantly business minded, stingy and brand-conscious. On the other hand, some were also so humble & down-to-earth even though they’re so rich or just mediocre earned-people; it’s all about self-value).

I kinda like this paragraph:-

 “If you still think that money is the most important thing, that your car reflects your status, you can't expect your child not to have the same values. That's the hardest part for parents. They want their children to change but they themselves find it very difficult to change.

If you are not sure your kids will still love you if you say no, obviously, there's something wrong with the relationship. Being able to say no and not being afraid that the kids will not love you or will hate you is something that parents need to develop.”

The psychologist advocates parents to spend more time with children. It is very important for parents to work in order to provide but when we decline the idea of bonding, children turn to friends as a source of human connection. Thus, the friends have more influences on them and that becomes the beginning of peer pressure; trying to impress friends.

*source*

To be frank, I’m clueless in raising my daughter. I want to instill many virtues and +ve values in her but these virtues must begin from me. I don’t earn much hence I don’t think it is wise to teach her in buying expensive clothes, toys and foods. Change must start with me. if I want her to like reading, I must exhibit the culture. If I want her to recite Al-Quran, I must recite with her. If I want her to pray 5x daily, I must ensure I complete my prayers everyday.

Now I know what it feels like to be in my parents shoes….  It’s tough! *sigh*