Found another great article in Star newspaper pertaining to
parenthood "Are you raising selfish kids?". The piece shares an advice on a pivotal concern whereby the Gen Y
& Gen Z or more commonly known as Gen Me are being molded to become selfish.
I don’t think any parents intend to inculcate such negative value in their children
but sometimes parents exude the tenet unconsciously.
My daughter is only 1 year old but she is starting to
exhibit unfavorable manner where she would give me those crocodile tears and
tantrums in the event of dissatisfaction. Sometimes she does get on my nerves
with her refusal to obey my disapproval or her ‘demand’ to have things her way.
Nowadays, she would smack my face and bit me as a result of frustration when I tried
to console her. Eeeeeeyyyhhh……. I really detest the thought of instilling “I will
get everything I want no matter what” in my daughter. Hence, readings and
references are my best savior right now………
Ok, back to the article, as usual do get the full length of
information from here. I am only interested to share the gist of the article as
I find it to be aptly newsworthy. From what I decipher, the root cause of this behavior
comes from parents who over indulge their children with materialistic possessions
or luxuries entitlement up to a point where children cannot differentiate between
“wants” and “needs”. Well, I kinda concur with that.
The article recommends several guidelines in forming a child
who cares for the world beyond oneself:-
1. Be firm with
boundaries – do not bend the rules w/o any good reasons
Set some rulings; If one child
exceeds the stipulated time of watching his favorite show / playing a game allocated
today, thus he will have lesser time tomorrow to instill the importance of
sharing and compromising. Another example is a parent can buy a good pair of shoes but if the child
insist on a branded pair, say no and ask him to save up for it.
This reminds
me of another article I obtained from Parenthots titled “Are you raising abrand-conscious child?”
2. Role models
Parents lead by example. Be mindful
to express kindness, generosity and importance of speaking the truth especially
to our spouse. Synonymously, tell them inspirational stories of our prophet
Nabi Muhammad SAW as an epitome of kindness and tolerance.
3. Pay attention to
the root cause
Selfishness is deriving from
jealousy and ignorance especially among siblings. Sibling’s rivalry is a very
common trait as a result of favoritism. By understanding this, we tend to deter
selfishness from them.
4. Build confidence
A confident child feels secure
and tends to become more open to others.
5. Nurture empathy
Children are capable of understanding
feelings. All you have to do is invite them to feel how you feel or how to be
empathetic towards others. Stimulate their thoughts by asking, “What would you
do if you were her?” or “Would you like it if someone did the same to you?”
6. Encourage sharing
Children will develop new habits when
they are encouraged. Encouraging children to share will reduce their fear of
scarcity. Assure them that they will have enough, so that they are willing to
share their belongings.
7. Teach gratitude
Children who learn to value things in
life and not take them for granted will be less selfish. Teach them how to
appreciate what they have because not everyone is as blessed. When children
learn to be thankful with what they have, they will eventually forgo
unnecessary demands.
8. Develop sense of
responsibility
Include your children in the daily
chores. Do not be afraid to break taboos like keeping financial worries to
yourselves. You can explain it to your children in simple terms and ask your
children what they can do to help under these circumstances. They could perhaps
learn to take ownership of their spending patterns and become more considerate
when they are aware of the “adult problems.” They will also think twice before
asking for a new tablet PC, phone or branded clothes.
9. Emphasize process
despite of outcome
Selfishness buds when your child is
reluctant to share knowledge and information with his classmates because of the
fear of losing to them. It is all right to be competitive but you may teach him
the true value of education. When he learns how to enjoy the process, he will
not be hindered by the fear of sharing. Rather, he can learn to embrace the
healthy competition.
10. Understanding peers
As children socialize, they tend to
learn from their peers, too. It is important to know who their friends are.
There is no clear cut way to help them choose their friends but identifying
friends who are generally nice and kind will ensure that they stand a better
chance of learning not to be selfish. The good qualities of friends can be
infectious and make a child less self-centered.
I like these paragraphs:-
This can be a little hard to
digest but the painful truth is, parents are sometimes selfish, too. We may
think that we want the best for our children but end up being overprotective.
Some parents think that their past was very painful and do not want their
children to go through the same experience, and hence spoon-feed them as much
as possible. As a result, they raise kids who feel entitled to everything and
deserve full attention all the time. This is how selfishness develops.
Children are definitely entitled to a healthy dose of
self-importance but not self-centredness. Parents can acknowledge a child’s
worthiness but at the same time educate the child that the world does not
revolve around him. There is so much more to the world and life than “self.”
Do read the piece when you have the time. I find this
information to be insightful and crude for parents. I reckon it is wise to be
tactful rather than compromising with a stamp of selfishness.
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