Assalamualaikum and hello,
As usual, 2017 kick starts with stories about registering kids to school, buying uniforms and appliances, taking kids to 1st at day at school etc. As I browse through these updates in my newsfeed via Instagram (I don’t do Facebook anymore guys), my heart sank as I did not had the chance to the same for my daughter. “Well, she’s registering for 6 years old” I told myself. I do hope Allah SWT will give me the chance to experience Piya’s 1st day at school in 2017 for we will never know what the future holds. Ayah sorted things out for Piya and what a headache it brought him. Not only he has to organize stuff, adjust his body clock, he has to deal with Piya’s tantrum too. I surmised the tantrum comes from her yearning for me and her baby sister. I don’t think it was done purposely.
My new year was less than mediocre; it was very quiet. Kelantan is one of the states that recognizes New Year but does not acknowledge it to be a public holiday. Furthermore, Kelantan is raining cats and dogs right now. The ambiance is very cool and dull I must say. Some parts of the state is paralyzed due to flash flood while others are tolerable. Thankfully our kampong is safe from the flood zone.
My visit to Kelantan was colored by Zaheera’s smile. Durra Zaheera (Luminous Pearl); the name that we agreed to bestow on our 2nd daughter. Being months apart does plant some curiosity in her eyes as she doesn’t recognize me anymore. Her eyes stared deeply into mine wondering who I am to her. Only Allah SWT knows sayang how much the situation hurts yet I’m very grateful you’re in the hands of people who loves you so much. I yearn her touch and hugs but mindful for I do not want to scare her. Allahu Akhbar…….
On my journey back to KK, I sank in my thoughts thinking how do I get out from this predicament? For almost a year, my faith relies in ‘another hand’ and I lost the liberty to control my life. I’m living at the mercy of people’s expectation. I don’t think we’re just a chess on a board game, but I can’t seem to reckon the reasoning behind this journey. Hours later I arrived at my new stay-in; yes I don’t own my own place, I tumpang sana sini… It is much nearer to work and lesser traffic too. Having a simple room to myself do give me the space that I need. Without the need to go along other people’s schedule, I can have my rest at my own time. And there I was lying alone in that room staring at my new bed lamp. Not a lamp per se, but I have always wanted to have glittering lights hovering my room. Pretty……………..
This morning I took the chance of walking to work. I've always felt curious what would it be like if i walk to work and i hate being in this state of mind. I like information, not questions. So just walk it out shall we? It was a 1.5km of walk and took approximately 25 minutes. Well, sometimes being alone can be the best food for your soul. That is also one of my drives to do running. Not only do you move your muscles but the more you move your body, it actually stimulates the brain and mind to think clearer. Why do you think healthy & fit people are so optimistic?
So what did I learn today? I may have a lot to complain about but I also have a lot to be grateful of. At least my kids are in good hands. At least my husband still loves me. At least my parents are still alive and coping by day. At least, I still have a job….. As they say, it is better to light a candle than curse the dark...