Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Occupied mind

Assalamualaikum and hello……….

Two main thing occupying my mind this morning; baba and Pton.. Let’s start with baba shall we…
From the beginning of Ramadhan, like many others, I too had made glorious plans to multiply my deeds, improve my prayers and definitely elevate the Holy month. But I too, like other human beings, did not come short of facing obstacles that life have thrown to me. This my dear, has consume a lot of my energy, attention and constantly occupying my mind.

Baba isn’t well… We first took notice during our first iftar on Saturday. He just look soooo…frail…. Almost 3 weeks have passed and Alhamdulillah he is responding well to the medications. Not only has he been subscribe to the hospital’s pills, he is only drinking Insulin Tea; an insulin in the form of liquid. Rather than injecting this into oneself, he is drinking it like any other regular tea. The results are amazing! His sugar level is hovering around 6,7 and yesterday was the lowest reading he had ever had in such a long time; 5.7. That is too low for a diabetes patient. Oh my… But having said that, he managed to adhere to the best deemed fit range which is 6 ~ 12 only. He may be on a good constructive recovery road but alas, I can’t stop feeling this void; a constant worrying over him. And taking care of matters have consume so much of my time. Especially the night where I accompanied him at the hospital. My blood pressure is low these days and I even got an mc the other day for being lethargic. Yes, I’m tired but if you are a mom, I’m certain that you can wear my shoes huh… We just cannot succumbed to our emotions and must put on a strong will energy or every responsibilities orbiting us would collapse. And that is the kind of damage that cannot be rekindled.

My dear Pton… I just feel numb about this… You want to give but you can’t give much. Yet people are highly depending on your kind courtesy. When you ‘reluctantly’ give out some slight amount, the receiving end felt bitter as it wasn’t deemed suffice. Well, how could it be? I’ve been there at the very same spot. I may be at a better place today but how would I forget the place that built my career? My character? I do hope my dear friends would survive this ordeal. I pray and hope that your sustenance (perhaps) is somewhere else. But I do know for a fact that you guys are strong considering the fact that you are loyal to the company.

Eid is just around the corner. Spiritually, I have nothing proud to share. Just my fair share of lethargic stories. Accountability wise, I’m very glad that the road I’ve taken for the past 7 months have allowed me to finance my parents, my aunts/uncle in Malacca and support my husband. I’ve always dreamed of doing this deed for them. Thank you Allah….

Jazakallahu khayran kathia..

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