Salam and good morning..
Sweet November.. I love November, very much. I think the reason is quite palpable no? It's my birth month hence the overabundance of love for November is significant to mention. So yeah; I love November so much that sometimes I'm inflicting the pain to myself purposely by placing high hopes on people and hoping for a better fate. That is definitely one of the stink traits about me though. I can't help it.
Baba always (always) remind me the best daddy's advice; Never hope for anything from anyone. Which unfortunately I do. I do placed hopes on certain people in my life especially people within my radius because I was taught that if you do good to others, the favor will be returned in good manners too. Buat baik dibalas baik...? Growing up with deep cuts and deprivations encourages me to lend a hand or a shoulder to cry on whenever a friend is in need. Perennial exasperation taught me to be kind to others as I do not want others to endure the bad experiences I had when I was in their shoes. Be comprehend to others. A wise man once told me; Seek to understand and be understood. That notion has been deeply rooted in my core and has always been at the back of my medulla oblongata.
The purpose of this entry? Since it is my birth month, I'm just reminiscing on the trail of events that took place in my life. Looking back on the things I've done, people I've placed hope, deeds I expected in return (buat baik dibalas baik remember..?) and the most hurtful thought; circumstances / people who have totally crushed my hopes.
I'm just looking back but I'm not jotting the ugly deeds here. Instead, I decided to move forward and dwell with baba's advice; stop placing hope on other people. Stop hoping that people would be thoughtful towards you just because you always think about their welfare. Stop expecting people to be nice to you just because you perceived them as close friends. Most importantly; stop expecting people to follow suit like you. With that, I pray that people who have deter my rainbow kaleidoscope hopes will taste their own medicine someday. I'm tired and I've done my do.
I'm turning 30 next year. I hope I will have a stronger heart to withstand such stupidity derived from ignorance people. I hope I can forgive them.. I really do.
Dear Allah, let November be awesome.. at least for my poor fragile heart..